I'm taking a break from all the song recommendation posts as I can't really choose a song for the day (though I can always choose one from U-Kiss and begone with it) and this is me trying to reason with myself on the purpose of blogging and all -or simply put welcome to yet another episode of me ranting about the no-nonsense that is my more-often-than-not jumbled up thoughts.
(I try to make it short since I just have the urge to go and read some manga instead, but the day's nearing to close and I don't think it'll be wise to give in to the procrastinator side in me at this moment)
I actually manage to go with the AtoZchallenge in a fairly easy manner than I thought (with the exception being the letter Q which was thisclose to make me give up on completing this). And that, as surprising and as ridiculous as this may sound, make me feel slightly uncomfortable.
Sure, it's good that I actually actively blogging (a quick glance at the archive can tell how sparse my blogging activity was prior to this month) but maybe it's the steam of the excitement starts dwindling down (however late since it's near the end already) for I start having second thought on choosing the material for the next letter's subject matter and there are times that I have thoughts like 'eh, who cares just do whatever' to my horror.
It makes me realize that I start thinking of this as a chore, which is not good. At all.
I went into this challenge with the mission (ha!) to revive this on-the-verge-of-dying blog and it excites me when I have the excuse to talk on things that I like (the L-M-N trio gave me so much life lol) but as I reach the pinnacle of it I start losing interest real fast (I already feel it as early as O, though I blame it on my crazy high level of excitement on that Nell post the day before) and it scares me.
Maybe because I literally can't find anything else to fangirl at or just me finally start to calm the heck down and buckle up for the last sprint, but the tension has become palpable to the point that I don't really bother my sisters as much on what-should-I-blog-about-using-the-letter (insert-a-letter-here) today.
And when I caught myself calling for the long-lost muse to return from its long vacation to write a new fiction stuff instead is when I knew I had it bad.
(Sure there's still the minibang challenge that I signed up and still see zero progress so far but it's an unspoken rule of mine that I focus on one writing project at one time, lest both of them shall go to dust)
All the telltale sign makes me depressed, and it makes me wonder if I ought to just give it up already by now, but there's only 5 more post to go, and I can almost see the finish line already that it'll be a huge waste to stop now.
If anything, it'll leave a bitter taste in my mouth to give up yet another project after being so excited about it at the start. (last year's NaNoWriMo still give me a heartache whenever I think of the what-could've-should've-been draft).
So, despite all the uncomfortable feeling in me, I'll go on with the challenge. I might think more on joining next year (and stop being so impulsive OTL) but it didn't change the fact that doing this everyday so far had its moments (if anything, it makes me use a lot of Youtube that I used to lol).
Here's to (hopefully) finish this thing with a bang!
~ the still-depressed-yet-sorta-determined Heiji
Music of the Day: K.Will - A Slip Of The Tongue